I watched the cutest video today. It’s a viral video of a mother finding out she’s having a daughter… after having six sons!

So funny! In all honestly… I totally cried when I watched this. Such a happy mama!

Then I began to read some of the comments on many of the social shares of this video. Bad. Very bad. Never read the comments, right? I wish I could follow that rule! I would be much less depressed about the state of humanity if I did not read Facebook comments. There were many nasty comments from ignorant trolls about the size of their family and… as always… female bashing.

“When that girl is 16 they’re gonna wish it had been a boy”

“Boys are so much easier than girls.”

“I have two teenage daughters… so good luck to her! Haha!”

“I’d rather have boys! Girls are tough to raise!”

Typical crap.

If only these feelings were expressed nowhere other than by random wack-a-doo’s on Facebook. But no. I hear these things all the time. Girls are really hard to raise and cause their parents so much more trouble than boys. Two sons are easier than one daughter. Blah blah blah.

I do have some questions…

1. Since when is anything amazing in life “easy”?
The best things in life require work. Daughters and sons included.

2. Have I missed something here? Teenage boys never do anything stupid?

3. Why is it okay and actually considered funny when mothers, aka WOMEN, insult their own daughters? One mom will joke about her daughters attitude and the other mom will laugh and say “well, that’s a girl for you!”

Stop it. Just STOP.

What is my girl thinking when she hears me actually insult her and laughing? What does that do to her? What expectations have I just created for the way she behaves? What damage have I done to her self respect? How is her opinion of her own gender altered by my verbalizing unfair stereotypes? How is her trust in me and respect for me changed as I flippantly imply that it would be easier for me if she was different than who she is (as in, not female)?

Here’s what it boils down to: I love having a daughter. I cannot believe I’m so lucky to have her. She’s my girl. I’m crazy about her. I want her to know how special she is and that I will always love her no matter what. Sometimes her actions may not be great, but she’ll always be my girl. She’s mine and I’ll stand by her.

Today we cuddled in bed after naptime (yay for the occasional nap!) and took silly selfies. She held my hand and said to me “mommy, you’re my best friend!”

 

Having a boy could not possibly be better than this.

If you have only sons, it’s wonderful. If you have only daughters, it’s wonderful. If you have both, it’s wonderful. You’re not more of a woman if you produce a male child. You’re not less of a woman if you have no daughters. Love the life you live and love the people you share it with.

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19 Comments on Parents, Stop Insulting Your Daughters

  1. Sandra
    April 11, 2015 at 12:34 pm (2 years ago)

    This was lovely, brilliant, so true, and did cause me a pang of guilt because I know I've uttered derogatory comments about raising my daughter (more along the lines about how expensive it is, but still…)
    There is always so much to learn about parenting and thankfully there are people like you out there Carissashaw.com who give it thought and make us reevaluate our behavior.

    Reply
  2. ginabad
    April 11, 2015 at 7:53 pm (2 years ago)

    The real question is: why on earth are daughters harder than boys? It's simply because of the double standard we've set up and the way we've made girls appear more fragile than boys. What I love about being a Christian is that – and this was eye opening after being raised Catholic – Jesus considered men no greater than women and vice versa. In a day when a woman's word was meaningless, who found the empty tomb first? Two women. Who were counted among his disciples and builders of the earliest churches? Women. Sure, women and men are different – let's face it – but they are equal in God's eyes. One is not superior to the other. As for me, I wanted 2 girls and I GOT 2 girls, and while raising kids never really turns out to be what you imagine, I honestly couldn't be happier with the kids God blessed me with!

    Reply
  3. Meghan K
    April 12, 2015 at 12:19 am (2 years ago)

    Thank you! Girls are not harder because they are girls. Nor are they easier because they are girls. Kids are hard. End of story.

    Reply
  4. Brandi Davis
    April 12, 2015 at 12:27 am (2 years ago)

    Love this! Girls are no harder than boys. Boys are no more challenging than girls. Both girls and boys will present their parents with their own unique set of problems and challenges, both can (and should) be adored by their parents for the individuals they are. Big families are AWESOME! Little families are AWESOME! All families are AWESOME! Boys are AWESOME! Girls are AWESOME! All kids are AWESOME!

    Reply
  5. Michelle
    April 12, 2015 at 12:38 am (2 years ago)

    I was the only girl in a family with 6 brothers. I then had three girls of my own, no sons. I have to say, really no difference except in how our parents raised us. People need to think before they speak!

    Reply
  6. Heather W
    April 12, 2015 at 12:39 am (2 years ago)

    You lost me here: Having a boy could not possibly be better than this.

    Had you had a son, this picture may be engulfed in blue and captioned "Having a girl could not possibly be better than this." You don't know that because you don't have a son. Had you, you'd probably feel that exact way.

    I personally never wanted kids, but I always knew if I changed my mind I'd adopt a boy. I just felt I'd have a better connection. Not because girls are bad, but because that is what I would have wanted. My husband has all girls and we discuss adopting a boy. Not because the girls are not great, but that is just our feelings.

    I don't see what you are reading as insults. I see it as a bit humor and a bit truth. Most women I know who have both (including my mom) agree boys are easier! No biggie. Healthy, happy child? Really that's all that matters.

    Reply
    • carissashaw
      April 12, 2015 at 1:05 am (2 years ago)

      The key is in the way it is stated that "having a boy could not possibly be BETTER than this." (actually, it's italicized in the post though) Although some may say that girls are more "work" than boys, I would never say anything to make her think I would rather her be a boy because she might be "easier" to raise. When I have a boy (hopefully someday) I won't love him more or less than my girl.
      So no, the statement "having a boy could not possibly be BETTER than this" does not stand alone; it's a part of the argument that a son is not better than a daughter because boys are considered easier to raise.

      Reply
  7. Emily B
    April 12, 2015 at 1:05 am (2 years ago)

    We should all be thankful of our kiddos, regardless of their gender. They are all such blessings!

    The picture of you and your daughter is very sweet.

    Reply
  8. Nikki Frank-Hamilton
    April 12, 2015 at 1:43 am (2 years ago)

    This was so great, I love my children equally, and I am lucky enough to have one of each. Neither one of them has been easier, there will always be something that comes up, no matter the sex. But if you love them hopefully they will trust you enough to come to you with the issues. Your daughter is just beautiful, BTW!!!

    Reply
  9. Wendy
    April 12, 2015 at 3:00 am (2 years ago)

    Love the picture of you and your girl! I only have one child, a girl, and I know that she is my greatest blessing! The opportunity to parent a child is a blessing; having them still consider you their best friend when they are in college is bliss! 🙂 Enjoy every minute!

    Reply
  10. Stephanie Volkert
    April 12, 2015 at 12:49 pm (2 years ago)

    Absolutely! I never understood why parents make these broad, gender-specific, sweeping statements. Why can't they see that it's harmful?

    Reply
  11. Jaclyn Kent
    April 14, 2015 at 12:46 am (2 years ago)

    Haha I love this. I have found that people say off-hand things that they don't put much thought in to. I've found a few "come back" phrases to battle their carelessness. It is definitely frustrating when people overlook their degrading comments as simple small talk. All we can do is be the change, right?!

    Reply
  12. Tanya @ Moms Small Victories
    April 16, 2015 at 3:18 am (2 years ago)

    Exactly, never read the comments! Be happy with the children you are blessed with because so many have lost children, have sick children or unable to have children at all. Thanks for sharing this with Small Victories Sunday linkup. Pinning to our linkup board.

    Reply
  13. BritishMumUSA
    April 20, 2015 at 2:48 am (2 years ago)

    I have read your post twice… What I think you miss in the comments from the mothers of "Teenage daughters" is their sense of humor. Without this I think we would become screaming lunatics….. I am the mother of a 17 and 12 y/o daughters. I remember those years of them thinking we were the best and we knew it all. I remember the days when we would cuddle, snuggle and laugh….. Then I came home and had a teenager!!!! You go through days, months and YES sometimes years where they are NOT NICE! There are days when they are amazing, and days when you just want to run away. My girlfriends and I have laughed and cried together raising these wonderful young ladies. I have several girlfriends who have twin boy/girls….. They state girls are harder. Yes boys do stupid things, while girls rip your heart out and run it over repeatedly….. Trust me when I say to you that we LOVE our daughters, we are just surviving the teenage years. Also I just had my daughter and her girlfriend come up and read this and neither of them find it insulting, and both agree with what I and my girlfriends have said about raising daughters. Funny, they also just informed me that when they go to adopt, that they would want a boy, even though they are all about the girl, as they are gay 🙂

    Boys are hard, they don;t speak or communicate, and they do stupid things, OH and they too go through the hormones and can be rude and obnoxious. That said, girls are mean, and hurtful and know just how to rip the heart out….

    So please know that when you read those comments they are coming from mother of teenage girls or mother who have raised girls and are just surviving those years….

    Check out my blog, I tried to raise mine with a sense of humor, if that fails I call in the girlfriends and we laugh and cry together….. It takes a village, and you better have one if you have a daughter!!! 🙂

    PS your daughter is adorable in those pictures….

    Reply
  14. Stacey
    April 20, 2015 at 4:41 pm (2 years ago)

    It comes from the other side as well. When you find out you are having boys people are quick with the comments about them. I think they are trying to be funny, though sometimes it's hard to read it that way.

    Reply
  15. Michelle
    April 30, 2015 at 7:02 pm (2 years ago)

    I totally agree with this! My little girl is only 6, but I can't imagine anything in this world better than her! She is my perfect little sidekick and I enjoy every moment spent with her. 🙂

    Reply
  16. Christina @ Martha, Martha
    February 2, 2016 at 3:55 pm (2 years ago)

    I have three daughters and I would hear “3 girls!?” All the time. Then when we were expecting our fourth, we didn’t find out boy or girl. Everyone said “I’m sure you want a boy!” I would answer “a boy would be fun, but we would be happy with another girl. We love our girls.”

    Reply
    • carissashaw
      February 2, 2016 at 4:41 pm (2 years ago)

      I would LOVE to have another girl! Three or four would just be that much more fun and love 🙂

      Reply
  17. Shelley
    August 24, 2017 at 11:11 pm (1 month ago)

    Great post. I have a daughter and I love her so much ..thanks for writing this to remind us just how fortunate we are to have a child no matter what sex they are!

    Reply

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